Human Rights Vocabulary

To provide a little clarity, here’s a few helpful definitions of the terminology in the Human Rights Industry:

hu·man rights: an arbitrary set of moral statutes that can be added to, subtracted from, or used to annul each other at the liberal discretion of those appointed to the Human Rights clergy, for the self-sustaining purpose of maintaining a percentage of the population as perpetually aggrieved. not to be confused with real hu·man rights, such as freedom of expression, freedom of religion, freedom of assembly, equality before the law, the right to a fair trial, etc.

com·plain·ant: no longer in general use, see ap·pli·cant

ap·pli·cant: formerly com·plain·ant, any or all of the following: 1Richard Warman, 2a Human Rights Commission justifying its own existence, 3a left-wing activist, 4a perpetually aggrieved person

re·spon·dent: 1target 2victim 3any person with a combination of the following characteristics: Caucasian, male, straight, confident of gender identity, conservative, Conservative, Christian, entrepreneurial, productive, of sound mind and body, physically or rhetorically gifted, capitalist.

dis·crim·i·na·tion: a thought crime that is perpetually and unconsciously committed by anyone matching the description of a re·spon·dent

com·plaint: no longer in use, see ap·pli·ca·tion

ap·pli·ca·tion: formerly com·plaint, 1a request by an individual or Human Rights Commission to arbitrarily harass, demean, detain, and/or bankrupt a re·spon·dent, 2an attempt to silence or chill political or social opposition

rem·e·dy: 1sentence 2blood money extracted from a com·plain·ant and given to an ap·pli·cant as incentive to generate complaints, 3an order that the com·plain·ant submits to a frontal lobotomy to remove unapproved thoughts

vul·ner·a·ble: 1in agreement with left-wing moral principles, 2any applicant who does not fit the description of a re·spon·dent

me·di·a·tion: 1a historical method for the execution of heretics; those who recant are mercifully shot, while those who persist die a slow, painful death 2a modern method of persecution of dissidents; those who recant are mercifully liberated of their possessions, livelihood, and dignity, while those who persist are subject to a slow, painful, and much more costly trial by Tribunal (note: there is some disagreement of whether these are actually two distinct meanings or if they are one and the same)

ad·ju·di·ca·tor: 1inquisitor, 2person without significant legal training who does not match the description of a re·spon·dent, in need of a patronage appointment

And, if you needed a reminder of real English:

eu·phe·mism: the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant; also : the expression so substituted

Feel free to add more in the comments, if you can think of any.

(with some help from Merriam-Webster Online – cross-posted at SF)

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