Times Like These…

It is forced upon one that there is a beautiful trade going the way of the buggy makers. The honourable art and science of being a satirist.

A satirist (for those Liberals who don’t get it) is someone who exaggerates reality. Today, you cannot exaggerate reality.

A while ago I could have probably gotten some few chuckles if I had suggested that someone who publicly calls for the random (or not) murder of (Jewish) civilians could get the government to take seriously his hate speech complaint against someone who (accurately) quoted a couple of imams.

Then again I might not have. Some people like wild exaggerations about the culture of politically correctness and the tone deafness of certain types of activists. Others don’t like satire that they feel is just so inaccurate it’s tasteless. I wouldn’t have blamed anyone for thinking that joke fell into the second category.

Until it happened of course.

So now what do we satirize? Do we make silly jokes about women having the right to be forced to wear sleeves? Oh yeah. Not so much.

However I’ll bet I can come up with something funny given enough time. What if I said this;

“Who cares what you observe. Just because something’s true doesn’t make it legal to talk about it. Idiot.”

Then again why would I make that up when I could just quote this.

““It is irrelevant whether Wilder’s witnesses might prove Wilders’ observations to be correct”, the ‘Openbaar Ministerie’ stated, “what’s relevant is that his observations are illegal”.”

I tell you, it’s a dying trade.

But although some people like to compare satirists to rats (and they don’t think about rats the way the Vinyl Cafe’s Rat-a-Tat-Tat does, or even Ratatouille) they are slower to abandon a sinking ship. Some might even say they swim out to sinking ships so that they can go down with them in style but those people have agendas (cue creepy music). Usually trying to advance their career in liberal satire (I’m told it exists but is indistinguishable from liberal serious debate).

So here are some satirical predictions for 2010. And if anyone brings a hate speech charge against me for them, well, I may just have to mail them an English Writing Dictionary 101 (35.99 + tax and you can pay Liberal 7% tax)

The Imam who called for the murder of homosexuals will lodge a HR complaint against the blogger who complained about him on the grounds that that complaint was discriminatory. It was discriminatory because the only reason the blogger brought the case was that the Imam was Muslim. The Tribunal will find him (Imam) a credible witness.

Richard Warman will win the Order of Canada for anti-racism activism. This will mark the first time in Canadian history that someone simultaneously wins a national anti-racism award and is under investigation for racist hate speech.

Jennifer Lynch will lose it in public and will scream at a panel of MPs to get the * out of her Dominion. Said committee will vote to expand the CHRC budget and powers.

Someone will blow up a clogged airport security line while waiting to be frisked. (Okay so everyone’s making this prediction)

Warren Kinsella will wake up one morning to find a Maple Leaf painted on his car by a bunch of irate soldiers. Kinsella will then hyperventilate about the possible offense said leaf might cause agoraphobia communist immigrants.

Warren Kinsella will make nasty remarks about my blog as a result of this prediction. (Okay so I hope this one comes true. I could use the traffic of conservatives who visit Kinsella’s blog to find out who is really worth reading.)

A Green Party member will blow up an airplane to reduce carbon emissions. The Greens will then throw a street party where they celebrate the end of racial/ethnic/religious profiling in airports and burn Mark Steyn and “those deniers” in effigy (as long as they can’t actually get their hands on Steyn and said “deniers”). May will issue a press statement about respecting diversity and the enthusiasm of youth.

All pro-life club members will have to attend mandatory diversity training run by a panel of Elmasry, Morgentaler, and Napolitano (on special loan). “Patients” will not be released until they can read the Toronto Star without screaming. Life sentences will be considered.

Bans on human sacrifice between consenting adults will be ruled unconstitutional by the courts.

Someone will try to shut down the blogosphere but will be deterred when Blazing Cat Fur and his pet competition buddies collect all feral cats in Toronto and dump them in said killjoy’s bedroom.

On Canada Day all flags are flown at half mast out of respect for Aboriginals. (Except in Newfoundland where they are already flown at half mast so they take them down the other half and send up the laundry)

Ignatieff will disappear and never be seen again except for randomly released videotapes taunting Canadians who are stupid enough to live through Canadian winters (At which point I may find myself agreeing with him so profoundly I could almost vote Liberal. Only if he promises to bring about massive global warming though)

HRT will decide that homeschooling a child is denying them a service (government education) based on discriminatory grounds (I’m guessing religion here).

Someone will kill a cartoonist or author and then bring charges against the dead man for inciting the hate crime of his own murder. Murderer will win.

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